Dear Eliza, Sorry to say, but there’s not really a one-size-fits-all answer to this question.Consider the number of variables involved in answering: Are there children involved?Your own maturity level, and that of your spouse, will determine how well you all can work together in marriage and how likely you all will be to stick with your relationship or give up on it.So each of you needs to honestly assess your current spiritual, emotional, social, and financial maturity by reflecting on issues such as how much self-control you each have, how much you respect authority, how much you can say “no” to some activities so you can say “yes” to those that are best for you, how much peace versus drama you have in your relationships with others, how often you keep your promises and follow through on commitments, whether or not you have a job that pays your bills, and whether or not you’re in debt. It’s never God’s will for you to be yoked (tied together) in marriage with someone who’s not a Christian, because a person who’s not connected to Jesus can’t head in the same direction as you can.Even for men it is common to find a woman physically attractive over time.In my late 20s, I directed a summer institute for men and women ages 19-25.
Realize that you can fall in love with anyone you happen to be attracted to, but that doesn’t mean that you should marry them. Disclose all of your financial information to the person you’re considering marrying, and expect full disclosure from him or her, too.Talk about how each of you plans to earn, spend, save, give, and invest money if you get married, and why.If you discover that one or both of you doesn’t currently have a healthy budget or healthy money management attitudes or habits, get help and make changes before getting married to save yourselves from having to go through tremendous stress afterward. You and your future spouse must tell each other the whole truth about the romantic relationships that you’ve each had with other people previously, regardless of how wild or mild they were.Do you still want to get back together with your ex? You see how all of these things can radically impact your decision as to when to get back out there? I couldn’t convince her to take me back, so I did what I do best – I went back online – literally MINUTES after I returned home from the teary breakup.And I don’t know the first thing about you or your individual circumstances. Now, in some respects, this made sense, in that I wasn’t going wallow in misery and think about what I did wrong or how I could fix things.
The names on the latter list were rarely on the first-night list.