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I told no one, immersed and isolated in my secret life. In moments of fleeting clarity, I wanted to understand what was happening to me. Was it just my marriage problems, or was there something deeper causing me to behave that way?

I met all sorts of people, from all over the world, older and younger, and each seemingly as desperate for a true connection as I. Should I be blaming my mother, or my – mostly absent – father for feeling that something was eternally missing? I was born to a woman that didn't much want children, and who fell foul to postnatal depression a good couple of decades before the term was even coined.

I have been with them for six years and found them helpful and supportive.

The presenters of shows are often glamour models, fetish models or porn stars, and have included Lexi Lowe, Lolly Badcock, Cathy Barry, Michelle Moist, Bexsi CW, Dani Thompson, Alice Goodwin, Paige Green, Lucy Summers, Letesha Collins, Sammi-Jo Wilson, Darcy Palmer, Ashley Emma, Tori Lee and Sophia Knight.

And I did, pretty much, and I was perfectly fine - until suddenly I wasn't.

There were redundancy problems at work; my marriage was showing strains; and there was something large and unnameable missing from my life.

I ignored it until I could do so no longer, until eventually, for what felt like the sake of my sanity, I resolved to do something about it.

A late arrival into the world of social media, I nevertheless embraced it as a kind of escape.

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