Some of my initial suppositions included internalized homophobia, fear of community and family rejection, and concerns over physical safety.
Although being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you’re equally attracted to multiple genders, it does seem feasible that these sorts of concerns could push a person with fluid attractions in the direction deemed more socially acceptable.
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I am a queer cisgender woman partnered with a queer transgender man.
Although there’s a dearth of research into whether these factors are actually prompting bisexuals to choose relationships that appear “straight” to the outside world, there’s no shortage of research revealing that bisexuals live under uniquely intense pressures within the LGBTQ community: In addition to facing heightened risks for cancer, STIs, and heart disease, bisexuals also experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, and are significantly more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors or attempt suicide than heterosexuals, gays, or lesbians.
It isn’t difficult to imagine that for some, the promise of a bit more social currency and safety could be compelling reasons to seek out an opposite-sex partner, even unconsciously.
□ Don’t let alcohol or other drug use cloud your decision making and affect your behavior.
I call this my "Mama Bear" instinct, in an effort to make adorable something I'm pretty sure annoys my partner.
Over the years, my partner has built up a necessarily thick skin when it comes to transphobic microagressions — the intentional misgendering, invasive questions, or challenges to his identity.
Because both my partner and I identified as queer before we met — and because I met him after he began his transition — we've never had to navigate the often tumultuous waters of being in love while one partner transitions.
Instead, we find ourselves often navigating the equally murky waters of fighting to be visible in a culture that broadly perceives us as heterosexual.
I’ve since come to understand that actually, the “bi” implies attraction not to two genders, but to members of both one’s own and other genders, and that the bisexual umbrella includes a wide rainbow of labels connoting sexual fluidity. Given all that struggle and growth, my current situation might come as a surprise: I’m in a committed, long-term relationship with a cisgender man who identifies as straight—just like a startling majority of other bisexual women.